Contradiction is my style

Archive for the tag “goals”


Hello all you lovely people,

It’s been a while since my last post; I know this. Why you ask? I can give you many reasons. My laziness, school getting in the way, me forgetting I have a blog, and me just not having anything interesting to talk about. That sums it up basically. Let’s move on.

Time is such a fickle concept. As it moves on things change and there isn’t much to do about it. You meet people and you either stay in contact all the time or lose touch over time. You gain interests and develop skills or passions over time or you grow tired and bored of them and they become distant memories. It is all on how you manage your time.

And I am bad at time management.

I sit for hours a day doing absolutely nothing of what I want and never change my ways. And yet I wonder where all my time goes. I talk to some people on almost a daily basis and don’t give time to others that I care about. And yet I wish for the day that I’ll get back into contact with old friends.

During the semester I try to focus all my energy on school but still end up wasting so many hours and stressing towards my deadlines.

I never really end up having the time to do things that I want like reading for pleasure, reading blog posts from blogs I follow (I am so many months behind on all of them because I just gave up during the semester and I plan to read everything now), watching shows I enjoy, working out, practicing my drums, and enjoying myself with friends. I just stare at the computer screen for too long and make no progress on anything. And I hate this but I know I wont change myself after making this post.

I’ve made friends and lost contact with those people so rapidly because I don’t dedicate the time they deserve to me.

And in keeping with time, I worry too much about my future. I feel like I have to do so much right now in my life just to be able to give myself a bright future. I have to get internships and straight As or I wont be successful, or so it seems. But as time moves on, these things become harder to accomplish.

It is already 2016 and this year I will be turning 20. I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have almost already lived two full decades. I don’t ever remember sometimes that I turned 19 or that 2015 was as long as a year should be.

Time is just strange to me. And as you can tell by how jumbled and short my statements are, I can’t even fully analyze my thoughts on time. It just flies by, for better or worse, and you can never turn back. A quote I’ve heard many times is “This moment is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” It’s amazing how true that quote is.

I’m looking back on my post that I made at the end of 2014 about goals I wanted to achieve during 2015. Since I have been a ghost for the most part of 2015 I guess I’ll tell you all what I accomplished and what I didn’t. I finally did get a medal in cross country. I was so happy that day that for the first time that I can remember I had legit tears of happiness in my eyes. I have improved my GPA. It’s not awesome like I had hoped for but I am up to a 3.35 now, so I am still in the honors program. I have improved my writing somewhat thanks to the first half of a two semester course that I am taking that is training me to be a tutor in the writing center at my school. You probably can’t tell though from my blogs because I just free write here and I always see mistakes only after hitting publish. I read some books, but nowhere nearly enough to where I want to be. I do use a website called Goodreads to keep track of my books and all that I want to read. Socialize more? I think I did the same amount as I usually do (maybe slightly more but I am often found in my hobbit hole aka room). Leave my comfort zone more? I did try new things, whether it be food or whatnot, but no where near enough. I’m just permanently stuck inside my bubble of comfort. Everything else I planned for 2015 was basically a bust. Like I said before, I am terrible at time management and I never get around to what I want to do. I just do things that temporarily bring me joy.

In 2015 though I did get a new job (and finally left the library after four years), I met so many new people, and I had fun. I’ve heard many people (via shared facebook posts of tumblr posts) claim that 2015 was a terrible year and I disagree. While it wasn’t the best year in my life, I can’t say it was the worst. I still have so much time ahead of me and I just wish I knew how to make the most of it.

I really don’t have too much else to say. I just wanted you all to know that I am still alive and well. Posts will still be coming, as infrequently as they do. And I hope that you all make the best of the time you have laid out for you.

Your friend,
For all of time


A Look Back And A Look Ahead

Well well well… It seems my fan base is growing. I guess this means I should post on here a little more often. I’ll start with right now and (maybe) continue to post somewhat regularly as time goes on.

I am stealing the idea for this post from one of my good friend’s, also named Michelle, blog post from a little earlier today.

2014 was a pretty eventful year, as are most other 12 month spans of time but a few big things happened this year for me.
-I started off with a New Years Resolution to drink milk and that lasted until the end of August.
-I made this blog. Kinda cool.
-I got accepted to every college I applied to and chose to attend my first choice.
-I was asked to apply to the Honors Program at my college and I got in.
-I graduated high school and earned many awards at my last sports awards, my graduation mass, and graduation itself, the biggest one being Woman Of The Year because apparently it was a 100% consensus among the faculty at my school that I encompassed all the qualities that they hope to see in all of their students.
-I went hang-gliding for my 18th birthday. That was fun.
-I put in months of hard work running to try to get onto the cross country team at my college and when I lost all hope that was ever going to happen, I made it. Cross Country blog post coming eventually I promise!
-I changed my major after weeks of struggle to find a reason to stick with it.
-And there are so many other things that happened but it is time to move on and into new adventures!!

Every year people make new years resolutions. I have done so a couple of times. I tend to accomplish them to some extent but then I, like everyone else, give up. I also tend to make summer resolutions when school ends and I find myself with an overwhelming amount of free time. Those always last for a week before I give up and spend the rest of my time on the computer looking at the same exact websites over and over again. Well I am going to copy what Michelle did and post 20 10 things that I want to accomplish. These are the same things I have been trying to do every year and give up or fall short so if even one (I just want to cut in right here to tell you that Michelle just tweeted me to keep blogging and that she just finished reading all my posts, great minds think alike huh) or two are accomplished I will be very happy. Our lists have some things in common because we have some similar goals, but enjoy both anyway! Here we go.

1. Get a medal at one or more cross country meets this season.
-I have been wanting a medal ever since I joined this sport back in my sophomore year of high school and many times I have been close. I have only received medals at those races where everyone gets one for participation and those do not count in my mind.

2. To accomplish #1 I have to exercise more, improve my running techniques, and never give up. I’d say eat healthier but all runner know that doesn’t happen.

3. Improve my drumming skills.
-By this I mean learn more songs, restrict myself less, build up my stamina for double bass drumming, stop criticizing myself over every mistake, and learn how I can fix things that go wrong.

4. Learn to play the harmonica.
-I have had one of these little instruments since I was a sophomore in high school and every summer I plan on learning how to become a badass harmonica player, but that never happens.

5. Learn to speak Finnish.
-This has been on my list for years and I try but it is hard to motivate myself especially since it is such a difficult language and I don’t know anyone in person who speaks it.

6. Leave my comfort zone more often.
-I have to eat more foods I never tried, go to more places, try things on my own, and so much more.

7. Socialize more.
-I am an introvert so I tire easily when spending time with people and it is hard for me to initiate social contact, even with friends I have known for years. All my socializing seems to happen either during cross country season with my team or during off times in school waiting for class. Anything besides that rarely happens.

8. Improve my grades.
-This should have been number 1 but eh, it doesn’t really matter the order that this goes in. My GPA this semester, to me, is shit and I want to stay in the Honors Program at my school. I am on academic probation for the Honors Program and I will have to work my ass off to get the minimum 3.3 average needed to stay in the program.

9. Read more.
-I have a super long list of books that I want to read and it is always growing, which is good, but rarely do I ever knock books off of that list.

10. Write, and improve the way I do so.
-Just like my friend Michelle always blogs about wanting to write a book, I have always wanted to do so myself. I have had ideas before and I would write a little bit but after a few pages I would give up and discard the idea. I also need to improve my writing style because I feel it isn’t adequate enough.

I feel like there is so much more I want to do but right now I am drawing a blank. Ending my list at a nice even number seems like a good idea. I have more goals when it comes to running or just improving myself as a person and I guess it is all up to myself and how motivated I am to achieve all of these goals to actually be able to accomplish them. I don’t expect any of that “New year, New me” stuff where everything on my list is magically achieved before this time next year, but like I said earlier, even if something on my list gets a little check-mark that will be good enough for me.

Your friend,
That is wishing you all the best for the future

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