Contradiction is my style

A Swing and A Miss

I swear, every time I go to write a new post the website has changed the layout that I see while I am typing what you’re now reading…

Anywho, Hey peeps!

So this is a bit of a continuation from the last post. If you recall, the second to last guy that I mentioned didn’t really have an end to the story. He was just there and I had hopes for something. So let’s talk about that.

Despite how proud of myself I was at the time I wrote the last post about finally trying to be myself and not focused on guys, it didn’t last. That one guy (pretty sure I called him Mr. Attractive at some point in his paragraph) started coming to the Honors Lounge more and more often. Being that the lounge is the only place I hang out with friends on campus, this meant I started seeing him around more. Now I tried to just ignore him. Forget about it all. I wanted to lose feelings for any guy and just coast through the rest of the semester on my own. But being around him more made me want to talk to him and I even found out that he did know my name after all this time. We became very slight acquaintances which was nice and I found out he was going on the summer trip this year that the honors program planned. As soon as I found that out I made a plan. I knew my mom would want me to take the railroad back home and I knew that he takes it every time he goes into the city since he lives far east. So I decided that on the day we got back from the trip that I would ask him on a date right after my train gets called (or his if it came first).

So the day of the trip comes and it is a camping trip. Overall the trip was fun and I got to spend a lot of time with my friends, which was nice but not the point of this. He was in the only cabin with guys and since my friend Dan was there too, I spent most of my time in that cabin or with them when we were actually outside (in and out of the rain). Everything was going well and I got to know this guy a little more than I had before. But of course, the trip had to end at some point.

When we get back to school I turn down my friend’s request to let her parents drive me home (considering we live about 5 minutes away from each other) and I told her I wanted to go through with my plan. She was the only one who knew what I meant if anyone else happened to hear me. We had shared a room in our cabin and spent some time both nights after we got back from the guys cabin just talking about boys (because what else do girls talk about during sleepovers? She had read my previous post so she knew everything at that point).

The guy goes into school, probably to use the bathroom, so I start walking to the subway after I say bye to my friend. I took my time and got stopped at a light and he walked up to the corner too. As we crossed the street I started talking to him and we kept some small talk going all the way to the railroad. I got my ticket and saw my train was coming in a few minutes. When it was called he said bye and I decided to not chicken out.

I said to him “Hey this is gonna sound weird but I was wondering if you wanna go out on a date sometime?” I was surprisingly not shaking in my shoes for once, however my mouth was extremely dry from being nervous. He paused, as he usually does when answering a question, and said “A date? Well we could hang out but I have a girlfriend.” and that is when panic mode set in. I apologized for asking and he brushed the ordeal off saying it was cool. I said bye and scurried over to the track I had to go to. The whole train ride home I was texting my friend about what just happened.

This was yesterday. Right now I just feel like an ass. I wish I could be proud of myself for taking a risk and doing something ballsy for once, but really I just feel gross. No doubt he told his girl that some other chick tried to ask him on a date and I am probably being made a fool of in her group chat with her friends or something. I hope that this doesn’t cause tension or anything between the two of them cause that is the last thing I would ever want to happen with anyone that I know. I have no intent on adding him on any social media platform and I doubt I’ll see him around school until the fall semester starts (at the end of August) so I figure by then this will be old news and we can sit in the lounge at the same time without any uncomfortable or awkward tension. I know maybe a couple of you hopeful romantics are thinking “Aw Michelle, don’t give up! You never know what can happen between the two of them!” and to those of you I have to say please don’t say that. Even if something happens between them there is very little guarantee that he’ll decide to take me up on my offer. So now I will work on trying to not feel like an ass for much longer, and then on getting rid of any lingering feelings. No need to torture myself.

This just really sucks because, as any of you who read the previous post can see, anytime I get a crush on a guy he has/gets a girlfriend. So uhh guys if you’re tired of being single, just try your best to have me develop feelings for you and you’ll find some other chick who you’ll be in a happy relationship with shortly after.

My manager today asked me about camping and the guy cause I had previously told her about the trip and that he was going and when I told her the story she felt bad but congratulated me on trying. She also said that the right guy will come when I am not looking for anyone. Not sure when that’ll be cause I always seem to have my eye out. But I guess I am glad that I have closure on the whole thing and I won’t think about what could happen between me and him, since nothing will.

Well, as always, I am happy you decided to listen to my meaningless problems. Maybe one day I’ll have a super positive blog post but for now I will bid you adieu.

Your friend,
Who wants to kick herself in the butt


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