Contradiction is my style

Who Am I

Hey peeps

It’s been a while since I last posted. More out of my laziness and lack of ideas to post about than anything else. I haven’t been on any great adventures or anything, although I did go to D.C. in June with the Honors Program, I guess if I wanted to I could retell the three day extravaganza. Anywho…

Who am I. That is the title of the post. Why? Well because I am not the best at making titles that make sense, that’s why.

So today an author I follow posted a link that analyzes your writing and finds your personality. So I copy and pasted a bunch of my writings that I had saved from high school, my four page attempt of the next best sci-fi novel, and a bunch of my previous blog posts. And of course to stick true with my blogs name, many of the results contradicted each other. I made two collages that had most of my results, sorry if the font is too small on the photos.

What am i Who am i

Honestly, I don’t know what to make of these. What IS my personality?

Now I have also taken those online personality tests (Myer Briggs and such) and I get ISTJ but each time there is a different percentage for each letter. How accurate can these personality tests be if each time I take them I feel like I can give a different answer or even when I am taking them I am stuck between two choices? Not to mention it is easy for people to make shit up on both the tester and testee side of the test (And I am now just realizing what a bad word choice that was right there). And on another personality test that I have taken a few times, it is one that gives you the percentages of different personality disorders you may have, I am constantly fluctuating between numbers. I used to have high percentages in Schizotypal and Schizoid but now I have close to average in everything. Do personalities really change over time?

And these online test things aren’t the only reason I came up with this title. It’s my lack of true passion in things as well. Hear me out.

I enjoy running, but am I truly a runner? I mean, I don’t save my race bibs, I don’t do other exercises to improve my times, I gladly take every break I can to not run. And yet I refuse to give it up.

I enjoy drumming but am I really a drummer? Or a musician? I mean yeah I have music as my declared minor and I take weekly drum lessons, but I restrain myself and I am too afraid to make mistakes which has dug me into an uncreative hole. I don’t play with other musicians, I can only sight read for rhythm, I don’t know how to write tabs, I honestly don’t care what products I use. And yet I wont let a person I meet got by without mentioning this.

I enjoy reading but am I a reader? I take forEVER to finish books, I sometimes even feel too lazy in moments of boredom to pick up a paperback, I can’t even begin to list the series that I have started and have yet to finish because other things always “get in the way” and yet I even have an entire blog post dedicated to how much I enjoy books.

I am an introvert but not fully it seems. As you know I want to go on adventures, meet new people, and try new things but I contain myself to my little bubble. I have tons of acquaintances and I’d say a good chunk of people who are good friends, and I do want to hang out with them but their more extraverted or busy lives gets in the way, leaving me to the confines of my bedroom (AKA my Hobbit-Hole). And yet after a couple ours with people, even the closest of friends, I feel drained.

There are so many other examples swarming through my head right now but I can’t find the words for all of them. I guess I really am an oxymoron with some things. I really want to know how people are able to find 100% dedication or passion for things they love. I’ll get into conversations with people who might have similar interests as me and find out that I have barely touched the surface with whatever it is. Example? Sci-Fi/Fantasy for instance. No doubt I enjoy those but when talking to true scifi fans I am reminded that I never saw Star Wars or Star Trek, I’ve seen a handful of superhero movies, and I can never give you a summed up version of the lore behind the story. Or when I meet someone else who enjoys rock and metal, you can’t imagine the amount of bands we start listing until we find common ground, and usually by then I try to hide the fact that I actually only listen to 2-3 songs by the common band or that I have been to less concerts than I have fingers. I sometimes wonder if I deserve the “sci-fi fan” or “metalhead” or the other labels listed above. I wonder if any of us can truly be given a label based off of our personalities or things we enjoy.

I am starting to not make sense in my head so I’ll end here and try to figure out how to post this thing with the update WordPress has done to the blog posting options (yes, it’s been a while. I can’t find the Classic option that I like so much more)

Your friend,
Or acquaintance, chum, pal, enemy, foe…


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