OxyButNotaMoron

Contradiction is my style

The Creation Of Ice-Skating

On the first day, the cruel ice gods made a frozen, oval shaped area. They were unsure of what to use it for and argued all through the night about what its purpose will be.

On the second day the made shoes with thin blades on the bottom. Their friends, the physics gods, jokenly told them to make a sport out of these two items.

On the third day, after thinking for a long time, the cruel ice gods took the physics gods suggestion seriously and made ice-skating. The physics gods shook their heads and looked the other way, knowing no good would come from this.

On the fourth day the cruel ice gods made exceptional skaters. Those who zoom by quickly, weave in and out of people, skate backwards, and do all sorts of crazy things. They were pleased with these creations.

On the fifth day they decided to make bad skaters just to spite them. Those who cling on the wall, stop in the middle of the path, and go in the wrong direction.

On the sixth day the ice gods realized that the bad skaters should have a chance to learn how to skate and they made a lesson area. This area takes up the entire center part of the rink, leaving little space for those who know (or pretend to know) what they’re doing to skate.

On the seventh day the ice gods made skating open to children. These children follow no rules and go all over the place. These children take up most of the rink, including the lesson area for those who are better at the age of seven then you’ll ever be.

On the eighth day the ice gods felt there wasn’t enough challenge with what they made so the created the human chains. These chains are made of any amount of people (two or more) holding hands/arms. They move slowly and when one falls, they all do.

On the ninth day they decided to edit their previous creations, making ridges on some of the skates blades, some ice softer than the rest of the ice, and they even made combinations of bad skaters and children or children and human chains.

On the tenth day they made winter time, especially as it nears the Olympics, the most popular time for people to go ice-skating.

On the eleventh day the let my father and I join their creations on the ice. A clutz and a nerve, what could possibly go wrong? Well let’s see… I almost crashed into I don’t know how many children, good skaters and bad skaters alike almost cut me off over and over again, my skate’s ridges got caught a few times on the ice, the soft areas of ice almost made me fall, human chains blocked my way, I fell twice (once almost taking a stranger down with me), and it reminded me that inside I truly am a misanthrope.

And that is how ice-skating was born!

Your friend,
The novice ice-skater

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One thought on “The Creation Of Ice-Skating

  1. Pingback: The Olympics | oxybutnotamoron

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